I remember when my daughters were young children, we used to walk along the beach looking for pretty seashells and bits of sea-glass. Suddenly through the bright sunshine and the salty air, something would stand out from the beige monotone of the seashore, and with excitement we would have the pleasure of adding another “gem” to our collection. My wife and I still have a bowlful of the sea-glass from those days, each of them a token of the precious moments spent with our daughters.
Collecting powerful bits of wisdom and ideas is no different from collecting sea-glass. You just need to be aware as you walk along the seashore of daily life and look for the glitter of bits of wisdom that you did not have the ability to create yourself, but you had the good fortune to discover.
I received such a gem many years ago as I was preparing to make one of my first speeches as a new CEO. A charismatic life-insurance agent said to me, “Ravi, whenever you speak to people you should make them feel good about themselves.” I will never forget that moment, I instantly knew that what he said was true and his one sentence changed my life and the trajectory of my career forever.
“…whenever you speak to people you should make them feel good about themselves.” What powerful words! You see, when people feel good about themselves, they do amazing things. Even “impossible” things. On the other hand, if you make people feel bad about themselves it will take a Herculean effort to just achieve the ordinary. We all know this is true. We know it from our own experiences and from our observations. It warrants no explanation. My book is called “Immortal Truths” because it is about these fundamental truths.
To make people feel good about themselves does not mean you lie to them and gloss over defects. It means that your speech builds on their strengths, and you address their weaknesses in a constructive way. When I adopted the advice given to me, the sales team that I addressed went on to achieve “impossible” things. Eventually they increased sales by 50% in one year and just their increase in sales was greater than the total sales of all their competitors combined. This success was not because of me, it was because of them! They thrived because they felt good about themselves and enjoyed what they were doing.
It is unfortunate that many leaders, in the corporate and political spheres, have a habit of doing the opposite. They berate the people that they lead. They make them feel bad about themselves. These people are abusive and should be called out as such. Nature tends to be self-correcting though as this behavior usually brings those leaders the well-deserved reward of failure. My hope for them is that they change their approach. It is never too late to learn.
I hope that you find these words as precious as I do, “…whenever you speak to people, you should make them feel good about themselves.” With this idea you can inspire people to do amazing things.